Bloody moderns

[Grumpy Northener]

Ok, the vast majority of us have to own at least one modern for the daily grind, the other half's little 58 plate 1.4 SXI Corsa has been a great car - always reliable - we purchased it with very low miles as a ex demo - despite the fact she does not look after it that well (there is a minor mark / scratch - if not two on every panel and according to her it's always someone else's fault - in that case kerb edges must grow legs, walk down the drive and throw them selves at the alloys - which are in a shocking state )

Mechanically it is very well maintained and I give it a quick check over every month - so yesterdays check over revealed it will require a couple of tyres on the front for winter - (not too bad for 5 years old / 50k miles given her driving style) a number plate bulb was gone which was the easy fix and the n/s dipped beam bulb was dead (main beam is a separate bulb).

Picked up a couple of bulbs - then put the bonnet up to do the headlight which at first glance looked to be very awkward to access - read the handbook which stated just remove the lamp inspection cover and the take the lid off the fusebox (fusebox is just adjacent to the headlight pod) then pull off the connector and press the base of headlamp pod adjacent to the bulb in order to release it - not sure what the author of the handbook was on when they wrote it !

Access is so awkward & tight that an hour later I was still no where despite checking a few websites which just contained horror stories of a certain national chain of motorist / cycle stores who had made a pigs ear of fitting the bulb and in one case had wrecked the entire headlamp pod of one car. In the end I jacked the car up and put it on a stand - removed the front wheel - held a wrestling match with the plastic wheel arch / inner wing liner in order to remove it - once removed access was gained and bulb changed in less than 60 seconds - just the wheel arch cover and wheel to refit then - 2 hours to fit a headlamp bulb !! - what a nonsense

[tractorman]

I believe some of the problem is that newer cars hace to be "pedestrian friendly", so the headlamp bulbs etc are further back in the wing. IIRC Renault Meganes (the big boot one) are horrendous - and I have heard of other moderns that are pretty dire too. Mind you, it's not just headlamps that are a pain - a neighbour has a Cah cow and the CD autochanger has a CD jammed in it. Apparently the whole dashboard has to be removed before you can get to the autochanger. He says the radio has rubbish programmes, but he is beginning to get used to them!

At least the Mk IV and V Golfs that I have had to change bulbs on are designed for normal people - I can get to the bulbs fairly easily! I don't know about HID headlamps though! The Mk IV had a cracked headlamp glass and I ahd to take teh front apron off to get the headlamp out. However, that was a matter of four self-tappers and about the same number of bolts (though I seem to think at least two of those held the front subframe in place).

I'll have to warn my friend about the Corsa - he has very nice one of similar age to yours! It was owned by a Vauxhall mechanic for most of its life and he was a real pedant and only swapped because he got hold of another excellent Corsa that was slightly newer. I think my friend said the one he got was the mechanic's wife's car - the mechanic has an immaculate Corsa!!

[TerryG]

Gotta love my Ford then, 1 screw and you can pop a headlamp unit out to swap a bulb. The MK1 is slightly harder in that you have to reach inside to change the bulb, it must take at least 30 seconds to do each one

The most annoying modern was a MK3 (I think) Clio that my then girlfriend had, to change a headlamp bulb I had to take the front bumper off and remove the headlight. Stupid design.

[suffolkpete]

The most annoying modern was a MK3 (I think) Clio that my then girlfriend had, to change a headlamp bulb I had to take the front bumper off and remove the headlight. Stupid design.

My daughter's got one of those, I managed to change the bulb without taking the front off, but the scars took some time to heal. You should try changing the oil filter on the diesel version.

[Phil P]

My Volvo S40 takes about 5 minutes to change a headlight bulb from bonnet up to bonnet down. That allows for dropping the bulb and cramp!

The other night I was driving along the M5 when a Focus came up to the back of me flashing his headlights. I was in the middle lane and overtaking a long line of trucks. This guy was only feet away from me. He then over took me blowing his horn and waving his arms. I gave him a single digit salute! He then pulled in front put on his hazard flashers and accelerated away. I carried on to where I was going. When I arrived a mate said, "You've got no back lights on." After a few minutes I realised I had no rear fogs or side repeater lights or front side lights only dipped head lights. Oops, sorry Focus driver. I drove home with my hazards on. The Haynes manual gave no clue. The Sparky off the series took 2 hours to find the fault. I had down loaded the wiring diagram off 'tinternet'. All 155 pages! Brilliant. 2 blown fuses. Neither of them among all the functions they list mention side lights. The HM calls the lights parking lights in one section and side lights in another. If anybody else has the same problem with an S40 they are 10 amp fuses and numbers 19 & 20.

I know why they blew. I had been towing my car transporter trailer and I have put extra lights on the side of it. Obviously too electrical much load. They will be rewired through a relay next week.

[tractorman]

These modern cars are annoying, you can't put a spout bolt in place of a glass fuse on them!

Thinking of Focus problems, my Starion-owning neighbour has a 2005 estate with a minor starting problem. He was going to fit new heater plugs until he saw where they were - on the back of the engine. He's only slightly taller than me (so still a short a**e) and realised that lying on the engine while trying to get to the plugs wasn't a nice job! The bloke that fitted them can't have realised where they were: he quoted £90 for supplying and fitting four new heater plugs! At least VW have made servicing easy - the heater plugs are handy, as are things like the filters and fuses - so long as you know where they have hidden the fuse boxes!

[JPB]

heater plugs

None of those to worry about on the MK7 TDI. At least I assume there aren't..

But nice and simple headlamps to change, about ten minutes all in but the hardest part for a raspberry like me is getting the bonnet back down, I swear thae bloody rams could lift a 15 stone man clear of the ground, I'm a gnat's below 17st and I can only just get it to drop by reaching up with the end of my "special bonnet closing tool" (think long pry bar with sleeve on the end to avoid injury to any part of me that's across the bonnet slam panel if when the bonnet eventually agrees to come in to land. I haven't had to swap any lamps yet but, in the interests of science, just went out to establish the nature of the task. That heavy bonnet is a pain every time I want to top up the PW bottle though, but I suppose it could be worse; various of my older Volvos used springs instead of hydraulic rams to open their bonnets so the moment when the bonnet re enters the atmosphere is sudden and potentially injurous to anyone who's been a bit slow getting out of the way.

And DO NOT get me started on service reminder resetting! Doing this on Glofs of various generations is a piece of cake via the dash or the settings menu of the computer, what's less straightforward is that the internet provides as many as four different sequences of trip reset pokes, key turns and terminal entries and these come before you reach the doom & gloom merchants who swear that you can't reset the dash properly without connecting via the car's OBD socket - they're talking bollocks BTW, that's simply not needed. So the ways may number more, but the fourth one worked and none from that four was the one specified in the owner's big fat book of instructions.
On any older motor (BMW E30 & similar excepted), the way to achieve this was to stick a note to a prominent spot in the engine bay and look at that to see the mileage at which the last service had been done. No AI knowledge had to be absorbed to service a motor back then.

[Topaz]

I know why they blew. I had been towing my car transporter trailer and I have put extra lights on the side of it. Obviously too electrical much load. They will be rewired through a relay next week.

Had similar with my Ford Kuga - towing caravan (sorry ) on holiday and realised by the way the indicator warning was flashing double time that the ones on the van weren't working. Very close to site so carried on.

Found a blown fuse in the caravan so replaced that but still no van lights. We then found that the fuse to the rear 'accessories' (presumably the 12v outlet in the boot) was 15amp but in the handbook it said to upgrade this to 25amp if using the 'Trailer Module'. Towbar fitter had used all the correct dedicated wiring kit but forgotten to use the correct fuse

Mike

[zipgun]

So, tonight after a 300 mile trip today in the Seicento, there's a sound like a short burst of a machine gun fire,ten miles from home ...Dash lights gone red ..
Not having my bins on, i can't see what ones ..so i ask the wife ... (I don't want to stop..its pissin' down and dark !)
"Err , Airbag .. Battery .." she says .
Engage brain .. ok alternator belt's snapped ... does it do the water pump too? Wack the heater and blower on max..must keep going..I'm not gunna get wet .. Nah, its a modern "cambelt ", waterpump'll be on that ..keep going... the battery will last 10 miles wont it ???
Huh , fat chance! Wipers slow down.. lights dim to a yellow , power steering goes solid , within 1/2 a mile , i'm pulling up


RAC man was great..Ten out of ten Not the correct belt, but a "fix " like i woulda done if i'd had some bits with me . RAC call centre took ages to answer though.. Two out of ten for them

[TerryG]

I have used cable ties to replace a snapped fanbelt before now. Company car and I had an appointment to get to. Unfortunately I forgot I had made this bodge and went out the following day without having either reported it or had it fixed so it snapped again. more cable ties did the trick.