Practically Classics Forum

A group of Hell's Angels were riding north on the A1 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge over the road, so they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of onlookers, past the policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says:

"Hey baby.....What ya doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even longer and better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the policeman, and then says:

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

According to a recent survey, 1 in 4 hills are steep.

The fact that there's a Highway to Hell but only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and then another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!

A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?

A very angry Johnny: Because, ... I've already got a cat!!!

I've just been asked the time by a British Gas Repair Man.
I said It's between 8am and 5pm

So a colleague of mine started to read the exorcist. He got part way through the book and decided it was evil - very evil and he could read no more so he took it and threw it off the end of Brighton pier. Today I went out and purchased an identical copy, ran it under the tap and put it in his desk drawer for him to find

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time, and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "Would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes" says the artist.

"It's worthless" says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."....

I've just booked a one way flight to Syria.

I'm not joining IS. I'm going to walk back and get a free house...

Minxy wrote:What if the hokey cokey isnt what its all about

Larry La'Prise, author of the Hokey Cokey has died aged 93. What a commotion there was at his funeral.
Everything was going so well until they came to where they had to put him in his coffin.
They got his left leg in.
And that's when the trouble started.

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait . . . sorry........

I'm thinking of whisky.