Practically Classics Forum

It was Veterans day in the USA

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans. I flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian as well.'

My first session with the Impatience Support Group is tonight. I can't wait......

Brilliant jokes Minxy - genius. Thanks!


AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, but it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... And wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were soaked and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other....

'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!'

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30am this morning, can you believe that 2.30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums

The lamb chops I’ve just bought are described as having been reared in Wales. I thought that was just a racist stereotype.

I've written a letter to the Royal Mail to complain about my post being stolen.

To make sure they see it I've put it inside a birthday card.

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite ? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action ! So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep the lazy woman busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.