Deathtraps & Idiots

[tractorman]

Nah lad, the line is Penrith-Durham ish - and Penrith lot are Southerners too!

Owt north of 'ere is Scotland!

I hope Arceye isn't trying to follow this!!

[arceye]

Well I was, and just for that you can have a local dialect poem explaining the funny way they talk up here

Wordies
by W T Lyall

FLORAN' means yur showin' off,
COWN or GIRN yur cryin'.
SPANGS yur takin' beegur steps,
SOCHAN means your sighin'.

Briskly walk, ye've a SKUTCH till yur feet,
A knock or a wallop's a DUNT,
Yur BOWGIE is yur belly,
And FORENENT means oot in front.

LOOGAR is a clout on ai ear,
A POLL yur hair cut short,
A CHUBBY is yur brolly,
Pain, chuist means yur HORT.

If something's GLIDE, at chuist means squint,
A GOWF's an awful smell,
BOORACH means an awful meice,
A hammer of course is a MELL.

A BLOCKIE is a little cod,
A STAB a post for a fence,
A PREEN's a peen, an' PURN's a reel,
I houp 'iss a' makes sence.

GLAIKAIT means yur kinda soft,
Till DORT yur in ai huff,
An if ye get an awful fricht,
Ye really got a GLUFF.

NYATTRY means ai grumblin' kind,
Bad mood yur in BAD CUT,
ANTLE means ai arguin' kind,
And a GUSHEL's ei in a rut.

A TROSK's a chiel ye dinna lek,
A KINCH ye've strained yur back,
CLIPE a scratch an' RIVE a pull,
An if yur fit, yur SWACK.

Till BRAIN means hit, lek SCUD or CLOOR,
At's thing's ye'd shout at a boxer,
A little splash, well 'ats a SKINT,
And a GIRNAL's a lump in yur OXTER.

A Shetland pony's called a SHALT,
A PUDDAG is a frog,
A SKORRAY is a seagul
An' a DOUG looks lek a DOG.

IVANOW chuist means just now,
Till SKAIL, is something spilt,
A BROWG's a chiners bradawl,
An yur bedspread is a TWILT.

A DREEP's a neime for somebody tall,
A BEEG DREEP somebody taller,
PEEDY chuist means something small,
PEDDY WEE means smaller.

A BOYGIE is a little boy,
A LASKIE is a girl,
SWERE yur no chuist in ai mood,
Till throw a thing ye HURL.

Wur English isna very good,
Wur fill o' bes an' dos,
An AIKLE is yur beeg back teeth,
And SHARN is doung feh coos.

TROCK is rubbish, an' BARM means shout,
Too much o' a thing's a LOCK,
Fits 'at am hearing ye BARMIN;
"Iss poem's a LOCK a TROCK".



Believe it or not, they really do talk like at up here

[JPB]

...and a boorach, as well as being a mess, clutter or unspecified spillage is also another word for a press so if the press in question is messy and stuff falls off the shelves when you open it, you'd then have a boorach in a boorach.
I have a Doric dictionary app on my phone and when I worked for Grampian region in the mid '90s had an actual hard copy that I carried on visits out, but once you get even further North than Aberdeenshire, they speak even more, erm, interestingly? Take that word boorach for example; it's from the Gaelic speaking parts but has been borrowed by those fly Doric types.
All of the signs in public buildings in Aberdeen and surrounding places had the usual selection of languages and Doric was among them. My line manager's first language was Doric and having a conversation with her was properly painful.

[suffolkpete]

He is speaking my native tongue and I understand every word despite having been resident in and around East London/Essex for 35 years since the age of 18...........people here still refer to me as a 'northener', because as every cockernee knows the 'north' starts at Watford, and that's Watford, Herts, not the Watford gap, which is considered down here to be somewhere in Scotland.......

My late mother-in-law, a Londoner, always said that the North started at Watford Gap. However she believed that was situated at Watford, Herts. We all know that the River Trent is the demarcation between North and South.

[Phil P]

I say you chaps the Midlands starts around Northampton and the North is Newcastle under Lyme upwards. The Black Country is a very small area originally comprising Dudley, Cradley Heath, Black Heath, Tipton, Bilston, Wednesbury (Where I was born) Darlaston, and Willenhall. All the other towns that say they are now in the Black Country never were. Only when the Black Country was made an enterprise zone did the other 'cash grabbers' decide they were part of it. In the Black Country we could make anything in steel, iron, brass and gun metal and believe it or not inspite of the clowns in Whitehall and the bankers in London it is still a thriving area. I am proud of my heritage. 90% of all the nuts bolts and rivets made in the UK came from the area. GKN, Charles Richards, James Wiley, Thomas Mayer plus several small specialist bolt manufacturers all operated in one square mile centred around Darlaston. At 5 o clock anything up to 50,000 people would pour out into five or six roads in Darlaston and Wednesbury.

Our dialects are as much a part of our history as the area we live in.

When I was working in London on a contract a guy came up to me and said, "Where you from san?" I said "Wednesbury originally." He replied "You're a Brummie." "NO I am not I'm from 17 miles north of Birmingham." He replied "I don't know I never been up there. My Grandad said I should never go norf of Watford 'cause they're all bladdy prats up theya." I said, "That's funny my Grandad told me to never to go south of Watford for the same reason." He just laughed and walked off.

Says it all really.

Phil

[mr rusty]

Folks from the North East of England get the hump when they're all lumped together as Geordies by the rest of us, I understand that there are several varieties of North Easterners....apparently they're not all geordies although they all sound the same to the rest of the Uk!

[JPB]

Yeah, that about sums us up! (It's the monkey hangers you need to watch....)

[Phil P]

I worked on a contract in Spennymoor for about 18 months with breaks and stayed in West Auckland in the Old Manor House hotel. I have to say I have never worked in a more friendly place anywhere in the UK. I had a great time and met some great folks. I'm sad I haven't had the time to return. Best pub in West Aukland is or was the Queens Head known around the 'green' as the Zoo. I remember finding myself serving in there one Friday night when it was packed and I commented on how long I had had to wait. "Get it ya' ******* yourself if your that ******* thirsty!" was the reply. I spent the rest of the night serving. Fantastic time fantastic people and a beautiful piece of the country.

I soon learned who and who wasn't a Geordie. We had a quiz night in the Zoo and the question master was a Geordie. I can still hear the shouting when he said "Whit fotboll tim pleeyus at Rocker Pock?" Apparently at the time it was Sunderland!

Phil

[Martin Evans]

I could do a dictionary for visitors to Blaenau Gwent, just in case they meet some of our culturally challenged types.

For example

“Orright Butt” – Good morning (Or afternoon) Sir

“Igorr eggs are free” – I have an XR3

“Wearwiwwoffen?” – Where are you going?

"Uhh" - Generally means something like I beg your pardon or is an expression of confusion.

As to going out on the roads, I don’t know when I last drive on the M25…..maybe 1995, when I bought my Scirocco Storm. I drove to Slough, via the M4, in 2011 and that was bloody awful. Leaving your brains at home does seem to be a fashion these days. Yesterday, on the way to work, I saw a woman walking her dog; the dog was off the lead and the woman was busy texting, oblivious to what the dog was doing (How long will evolution take to create babies with mobile phones built into their hands?). It’s ironic that political correctness is paramount, yet courtesy and common decency are now so rare.

[tractorman]

I thought "Uhh" is the only word a 13-17 year old male knows!

I agree with Phil P about Co Durham folk. Apart from friends in Consett, I was at Teesside Uni in the early 90's and foudn the locals to be friendly, helpful and not too in your face. OK, there wee exceptions - especially in some parts of Middlesbrough (one halls of Residence had bars covering the ground floor windows and stops on the first floor ones!). I was in digs in my second year in a "Coronation Street" type terraced house. The next door neighbour looked dead rough, but was a great bloke. One day, he said in a loud voice "I'll keep an eye on your car" (the Mk2 Golf) and I could safely leave it unlocked overnight after that!

That's not to say Newcastle folk aren't as friendly, it's just they tend to be almost too friendly. I knew more about the hairdresser in the Metro Centre than some Cumbrians know about their wives after forty years!

I won't say anything about the Scots - they nicked our church bells a few hundred years ago and we don't forget that!!

Mind you, we have their church bells in the porch of our church...