Jokes thread

[rich.]

Subject: Male Logic...Man/Woman conversation



Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes



Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3



Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: £5.00 which includes a tip



(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose



Woman: So a beer costs £5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be approximately £5400 .....correct?

Man: Correct



Woman: If in 1 year you spend £5400, not accounting for inflation, the past

20 years puts your spending at £108,000, correct?

Man: Correct



Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?



Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: Where's your Ferrari?

[rich.]

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)


I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a
mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are
the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.


The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.


Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me
he said,

(you are going to love this..)









" What's for dinner, Zorro?"

[Minxy]

I've written a book called, '101 Ways To Revive The High Street.'
It's available on 'Kindle' from Monday.

[Minxy]

Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well just go and look in the garage".

[Minxy]

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the Head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".

The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's.

[Minxy]

Me and my wife stopped at a Motorway Services, today, for some breakfast. We had two fry ups, two coffees and two jam doughnuts. I got to the cashier and said, "I'm sorry, love, but I've only got a £50 note."
"That's okay," she replied, "just put the doughnuts back."

[Minxy]

I asked my Scouse mate why he only spent three quid on his mum for her birthday
"That's all she had in her purse," he said.

[Minxy]

Man who suffers from premature ejaculation WLTM woman with large breasts, long legs, nice round bum......oh, never mind.

[Minxy]

I bumped into my mate in the pub last night who was looking a bit glum, so I asked him what was up.

"Well, I can't afford anything anymore so I've had to cancel my golf and gym memberships, my Sky TV package and had to cut down on fags to 20 a week" he sighed.

"Because of the recession?" I asked.

"No" he replied. "I've been forced off benefits and made to get a flaming job."

[Minxy]